Trolley-Problem Variations for Entrepreneurs

By now you’ve probably tried the trolley problem.  Wikipedia describes it as a thought experimentin ethics that goes something like this: 

There's a runaway trolley barreling down the tracks. Ahead on the tracks there are five people tied up and unable to move. The trolley is headed straight for them. You are standing some distance off in the train yard, next to a lever. If you pull this lever, the trolley will switch to a different set of tracks. However, you notice that there is one person on the side track. You have two options: (1) Do nothing, and the trolley kills the five people on the main track. (2) Pull the lever, diverting the trolley onto the side track where it will kill one person. Which is the correct choice?

There are all kinds of variations to extend the problem, including throwing large people off bridges to stop the train.  It makes for an interesting and often surprising discussion, the kind where your spouse isn't sure she wants to ride in the same car with you anymore.

  

Recently in McSweeney’s, Kyle York wrote a brilliant, laugh-out-loud send-up of the trolley problem.  I don’t know Kyle, but I now consider him my inspiration for the following variations, designed to test your meddle as a modern entrepreneur.

Play on.

The Mother Theresa

There’s an out of control trolley speeding towards Mother Theresa. You have the ability to pull a lever and change the trolley’s path so it hits Hitler, Jack and Ripper, Adam Sandler and Tom Brady. You suddenly notice that Mother Theresa is wearing an Apple watch and then remember that delivery of yours has been delayed.

The Wish I Had Another

There’s an out of control trolley speeding towards Marc Andreessen, who is writing a 125-tweet essay on why trolleys will soon be digitized. You have the ability to pull a lever and change the trolley’s path so it hits Peter Thiel, who is busy over-investing in every trolley company in the world so that if just one is successful he can lecture us all on how he successfully disrupted the trolley industry.  You only have one trolley.

The Family Feud

There’s an out of control trolley speeding towards your mother. You have the ability to pull a lever and change the trolley’s path so it hits Steve Jobs. How will you ever explain what happened to your father?

The Singularity

There’s an out of control trolley speeding towards five people. You have the ability to pull a lever and change the trolley’s path so it hits only one person.  Then the Singularity occurs. Now the trolley wants to know why it always seems to be the butt of humankind jokes--and it's not happy.

The Venture Capitalists

There's an out of control trolley filled with venture capitalists speeding toward a chasm.  You have the ability to pull a lever and change the trolley's path so it pulls up outside a Disrupt hackathon filled with cold beer and aspiring entrepreneurs.  Unfortunately, you don't have time to pull the lever because you're too busy making changes to the pitch deck from your last unsuccessful financing meeting.

The Peter Drucker

There's an out of control trolley speeding toward Peter Drucker who is absorbed trying to figure out how sending the message "Yo" back-and-forth can possibly be a financible business.  You can pull a lever and send the trolley safely back to its depot. Drucker begs you not to.

I don't advocate bodily harm, so no entrepreneurs, serial killers, VCs, strong-arm dictators, disgraced quarterbacks or blessed saints were hurt in the writing of this post.  But you do have to admit, there's some good theater of the mind. 

Posted by Entrepreneur Generations

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