of our life's would change forever, not being in the relationship with my daughters mum before birth was tough, our relationship only lasted 6 weeks. Sometimes 2 people just can't get on, and from that, it was the start of our on, and off communication with access. Looking back on the journey losing that time with my daughter is what opened up my whole heart to the rest of the world, weighing 21 stone with a serious mental illness, no access to my daughter and after a life with loud party's, noise, football matches and crowds then being told by educated lawyers I would not get help as I had no chance in getting access. All I wanted was to be the best dad that I could be, to have the chance, the opportunity and by not being put on the birth certificate there was nothing I could do .... But I was going to make it happen, it was going to work out.
(When you climb one mountain you see there is many more to climb, that's living)
(My daughter Ava-Jane & Nephew Martin)
The weeks and months of having some time, an hour here or there when her mummy felt like it led to a lawyer helping me. This led to a court process, then to an agreement before court for a contact centre. Those times I used to cry on the way up, with a bag full of clothes, milk and nappies for that 2 hours in a contact centre, it's like a mini prison but we made it like heaven for 2 hours. They were the best 2 hours of the 168 hours in the week I had. Not having that time with my daughter made me value time even more in every other area of life, it's also the one thing I put before everything else now! It's the one thing that was always taken from me since I was young. In the years before my daughter was born through my own mistakes and silly choices that led me to prison, solitary and even being locked abroad and sectioned in Greece at the time it felt like time wasted, but on looking back I see that time as preparation for the level of living we experience now.
(Photo taken when I used to watch the sunrise alone, travelling around Scotland)
Why would anyone want to help me back then? Why would anyone want to love me is all that I thought. What do people want me to do, deep down I always believed in me and thought maybe some day somebody else would too. When I was separated from my daughter it made me ask the deeper questions of myself like I'm a Dad, and nobody on this earth can take away my right to be the best that I can be for Ava-Jane. Nobody can stop me being an example but me! I'm opening up! I'm going to do it by setting an example. I will be the hero in my own life story for my daughter and I'll inspire others along the way too. I'm going to open up in writing, share a blog and just turn this camera around on the iPhone and just be me all the time now with all the time that I have left with my life. I spent my life chasing validation everywhere else, I've had it all and always lost it in the long run, this is my long run to freedom now, our long run to freedom.
All of my effort is going to the success of achieving freedom for us, it's nothing to do with circumstances just everything to do with effort. The freedom from stress, illness and the control of others. and having the freedom to say, create, give out and receive a better quality of living with others and myself too. April 2013 I ran a marathon untrained, tracksuit on and hillwalking shoes, weighing around 19 stone. The physical pain was there, but my vision was clear, this is not over until I'm fully in my daughters life again. Being told I won't be a father, it's better if I'm not here and just leave everyone alone as the courts could never come to an agreement! Every mile I was running I'm doing it with a smile knowing I'm going closer to the goal ahead and it's got nothing to do with running or anything else but taking charge and captaining my own ship. 9 stone off in the process, taking marathon from 4:53 to 2:55, becoming an athlete, running 100 miles, sharing all these blogs and videos, finishing on podiums, becoming a vegan also and being helped with clothing by Asics and Newton running. Being on newspapers, TV a few times, (even the 6 o'clock news), adverts, magazines, and all of that had a big influence in the courts with changing direction, so much so my daughters mum accepted me as dad now and we settled out of court for access and we're going to give it a go as a family, this part was happening to quick and as elvis Presley would say only fools rush in ... I never seen it that way then.
My lawyer says if I sign out of court then I might never get the chance to go back into court again. I replied with if I don't trust my kids mum now then I will spend the rest of my life not trusting her, its time to let go of everything and build from the start again from a new level of understanding. My daughters mum loves my life change, but she simply didn't love me and when your not happy in your intimate relationship your not happy anywhere else regardless of how it looks on the outside. I started coming out of races, losing interest in everything I built for my daughter, myself and everyone around me that I've met on the journey. It had to end, it's over and I'll accept what comes with it, we just don't get on and access was agreed for the weekends, my daughter and me had amazing times then her mum moved on in life and access just stopped. It's back at court again, well in the process & I've been here before, it's almost 2016! Maybe I will always be here over and over until Ava-Jane is 16 because I'm not going away, I don't know how any dad could, I don't drink alcohol, go out to party like other single 29 year old guys and I'm up at 4am everyday looking at new ways to enjoy but also improve life. Maybe it's all part of being a dad with no access, I just see myself as a role model always rather a guy asking for access. I'm reading books, studying the law, finances, education and adding everything else in too and still going to be the best that I can possibly be. This time there's a lot more people around me now, new friends, close personal relationships, connections and everything else, I don't like publicly taking about everything but giving is living, that's for sure! This journey started with an iPhone, some cows and sheep that made me go vegan and a few hills in the background. My daughter loves me, her smile and laughter is everything I see and the relationship is back with me and my own parents too, my sister, nephew and everyone else around me, support from all over the world and now public speaking too of the whole journey and ways of adding value to others and always looking at new ways to add value into life as that's where I thrive.
I've spoken to the top psychiatrists in the country now in a lecture explaining mental health recovery, the plant based food choice, how the change happened, my why and his the mind works for us all in finding fulfilment. Also speaking at the SECC in my hometown of Glasgow on the 5th & 6th of December at Vegfest. I've not seen my daughter in a few weeks, but I've been allowed the odd phone call & waiting on court and family mediation now and just always accept everything life is as its just beautiful the way it is and the teaching we learn from tough times always brings out our true nature and the best version of ourselves. Life's not about happy endings, the chapters or the book it's all about the journey, and I believe we can all turn our shit into something special ..... This all started when I turned the camera around on myself on YouTube
( https://www.youtube.com/user/wullyrobertson1985 )to say I've got nothing but this iPhone in my hand and a pair of shoes on my feet, let's see what we can do from here and learned deeply that life is about how many people and animals you can connect with and love on your way up. Strangers helped me in my toughest times, everyday people I had never met just gave me there time when I was alone. When I got healthier, learned deeper meditation I was going to give strangers my time back because strangers care! To open up the full story and just say "If I can do it, we all can do it" there's enough going on in the world let's make it that bit more special while we are here. As I sit here now in our house beside the canal, I have a room for my daughter and the door to my house and heart will always be open to Ava-Jane no matter what happens in life. I always thank my daughter not just for loving me as her daddy, but for giving me the courage to open up my heart to the world around me, to take charge of my life, to make me the athlete and public speaker that I am and it's helped me in a way that it has helped the life's of others too as I have helped myself and for that I'm forever grateful knowing that living is all about giving. I ask the question of yon that if you were to die today except from your friends and family who would know? And are you happy with that? Go out and help someone, give to an animal, just give and you will know what I mean... Achieving goals and awards from others is one thing, but doing it against all odds is certainly another! Knowing deeply that my health, the whole recovery, the lifestyle change and transformation has been done without hurting anyone else in the process and by not having anyone else put an animal in a packet for me or have a farmer milk pregnant cows for me to experience this level of love, health, living, connection, and beyond normal performance (ultra) to this peak freedom that I share with you now. It feels amazing, so eat the apple, drink the water, meditate, sleep well and make the rest of your life the best of your life.
The bravest sight in the world is to see a great man struggling against adversity ~ Seneca, Greek philosophy
#LoveTheJourney
from William Robertson http://ift.tt/1O9btYg I lost time with my daughter & it opened up my heart to the world - Entrepreneur Generations
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