Pretending to myself that I don't love ultra running, staying away from friends to sort family and signing out of races, pretending to myself that I gave it enough, pretending to myself that I was wrong for opening up my life because I had lust again and what did I get in return? Failure and I deserved it! I deserved every single bit of it and if people had fallen out with me because of that, then I deserve that too, I go hard on myself because it changes me when j do. I put my hands up when I'm wrong and say that I messed up again. I've messed up a lot in life, but I'm back doing what I love everyday again, every breakdown is a starting point for an unbelievable breakthrough. I realised the laughter about the past was all aimed at me, my craziness and my failure by going backwards and yes the world can look at me and I'll be the most successful failure in the world bow, because I'm not going to cry about it abc I'm going to go further away from it. I know when I'm wrong and I know when I'm right, and I am supposed to get my daughter at the weekends nod so signed out of the sport altogether as that's why I started running in the first place, but what's a father without a passion? What example do I leave to my daughter and others f not following my heart? I don't even get my daughter now because of the messing up and I deserve all of this, this is what happens when you change your vision to the past instead of the future but I'm grateful I have the blue print nod and have everything back on board and I'm thankful for everyone who has supported me in this massive boxing match with myself of running crazy races and being all out there, you've no idea how blessed I am with still the opportunity to serve others with my lifestyle.
So many things have happened in my life over the past few years and I've thrived at every opportunity to overcome adversity but visiting the past is dead completely. I don't belong there anymore at all in any way, maybe it was me thinking if not my kids mum then nobody, maybe it was me shutting out moving on. Whatever it was it was me who done it, messed up and nearly lost my sanity in going backwards and that can't ever happen again, I chose to leave the relationship because I would be nothing without my health or my values, that's all I've got & all I started with! I know who I am and where I am going & back to what is perceived as the lonely path to others but I love it, and I'm never going to settle for anything less than I am worth, in relationship, in business, in sport or in life just because of me wanting a cuddle and for the journey to be over, when the truth is that it's really only just beginning as the ship getting away from the harbour is the hardest part, it's free now and I'm open to love again and never going to feel guilty about moving on. I've been reading a book called "think and grow rich" and it's been eye opening to me. It's let me discover the inside of me by past experience but most importantly it's showed me deeply where I have failed in life and now that I know that it will never happen again.
I shouldn't have signed out of a race and should not have said its not 100 miles as an excuse. I shouldn't have walked off a course at half way, and I shouldn't have done it again at another race. I should not have went for the quick thrill of sex and settling down when I have a more deeper path, a vision and a future to make life better because I was alive but I did and I'm fully responsible for those mistakes, one leads to another until the ship sinks but I've built this ship with bulletproof mindset so it would take at least 10 years of those failures to break what I've stated. I am sorry to anyone I may have offended by closing off for some time, for things that may have been said from events and I know those who doubt me will never read this, but you people who follow my journey this open blog is for you. To say that I still make mistakes, I'm still human and want yo be loved at times and it's a lonely path being the ladder instead of climbing it, I've been reading books about entrepreneurs and how they started and being around so many others now and realise how much I still have to learn. But that's still not any excuse to step away from all the good we have started and I'm extreme and all in, with that comes massive risk and I would never say to someone don't take a 9-5 and have a simple life because bring out there all the time is a big load to carry especially when I've been told all the things I can't do, if you've got love and safety keep it, I've not got time with my daughter, I'm not sure if I'll ever settle with another women but u do know I'm going to leave this earth better than I came into it and I'm willing to die to make sure nobody who loves me or supports me in this journey doesn't get the truth from me, I've got great friends but when it comes to buisness, talks, speeches, writing and putting food on the table then I'm on my own, I'm the one out there and that's why I'm so open. I'm not asking anyone to follow me, just watch me try things and maybe that can inspire you too. The life you create for a quick fix of a hit from the past can hurt your vision and the past is not to be revisited for me in any way other than to see how far ivd have came or who I have to thank. I've got my feet on the ground and always grounded, my laces up and the green smoothies on the go, 4am wake up calls and doctors saying my recent talk to them should of been on TED which is a compliment and a half that could see me going into university lecturing in the future but that's a long time away, I'm not talking about books when I'm on stage im talking about my life and I'm going to do everything in my power to become a victor in my vision for other humans and the animals. I still have so much to learn first about everything and as I do, I will continue to share the journey with you. Now you know why I was saying about giving up running and the lifestyle to close off. I write that because I felt guilty for starting it and that's why I deleted all past blogs as relationships are personal but I had a court case to fight and I was right to do it, I'm still right to tell the truth, things that are destroyed by the truth should be, even if it's me! I have learned through the failure to never ever second guess myself but always take time out to reevaluate the journey. What a plonker!
I'm running around 70-100 miles a week again, reading books, meditating, sleeping well and when the courts agree access again to my daughter then weekends will be spent then with my daughter, running will always be there & I'll always ultra run with friends and with myself enjoying nature. The most important part is that I'm back running miles with my friends, I never seen them during my time back with my kids mum and I realise me through that how much they have influenced the change in my life, how much they have saved me on this journey. To them I am grateful, to life I am grateful and for the lesson I am grateful and to my vision I'm sorry for coming off the course. For the animals, freedom and a life of constant and never ending self improvement & never falling for that lust ever again, only ever love and if rather wait years for that than jump into bed and off course again. Nothing is going to stop me continually mastering life, everything can go up against me if it wants and I will still come out on top. I've got a past record of that and will use my power to be an example of self reliance, strength, endurance and putting hands up when I'm wrong and keeping them down when I win. It's never over until I win, in life, sport, relationships, business, career and whatever else I put my mind too.
London marathon im going to enjoy, the funny thing was I felt guilty at the time signing up. But I pay CSA, and life isn't about money, it's about principles and values & with that we all get what we deserve in life. Our happiness, our freedom and our peace is on our own shoulders and that's the way it is in my eyes. If I can help someone else I will, if I can help an animal I will but I will never have any of them of them feel weak in my presence. There's a reason why people love me, and because of those reasons that's why I continue to be all that I am. Neve judge me on the success because that's the easy part, judge me on his well and his open I am about the failures that take me there. I have lots of friends, get invited to lots of nights out, 30th birthday party's and say no, not because I don't love the people but because I've picked this path. It's my journey and I have to walk in it, it's the most important thing to me, it's my life and I'm fighting everyday to always return with a better version of myself, to add more value and to give the most real and raw version of myself.
These are my words from my life, an account of everything, a personal blog, a journey and there's reasons why I never blame anyone from my past, it's because I'm still welcome there and always will be. The hard part is saying no to that togetherness, that bond & that love to go forth in pursuit of my own success for my daughter, to the animals and all that can accept my values along the way. With any unique story comes unique pain, anyone who tells you otherwise isn't telling the truth. Being a high performance person is tears in the eyes, raw, real and difficult. But it's also beautiful, happy, peaceful, caring and special and it's all made me emotional. It's opened up a fulfilling journey and everyday I feel privileged to touch this earth and be given the opportunity to serve the life of others along with pursuing my own love and success inside on the outside. I always tell people we have 2 families, one we are born with and one is our spiritual family. The one we fall in love with later in life, that could be a relationship, a football team, a church or a food choice. The spiritual family is what pulls you towards your vision and that journey is what brings fulfilment. I've had amazing girls share tea with me, open up and I've wanted to go forward but without that drive being filled with both love, passion and spiritual values accepted then it could never be. Because what's a man without his values? What's a person without certain things that no matter what don't change? All my past relationships are over because I'm on this path now, it's deep, passionate, crazy, loving and I'm winning everyday knowing my health and lifestyle is all my choice and my karma.
Thanks for being you and staying connected, I wish you peace, love and the expansion of happiness in deep strength to follow your heart always even if at times you think you are lost, somehow it knows where it needs to be. Namaste
from William Robertson http://ift.tt/1Lazt71 My failures over the last 6 months hurt a lot - Entrepreneur Generations
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