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| My newest tattoo combines my EKG reading with a James Baldwin quote. |
(1) Detroit Tigers Olde English D on my right shoulder: an homage to my favorite team and favorite sport, as well as one of my hometowns (I lived there in middle school), the city where my grandparents immigrated from Poland and Germany after World War II (this tattoo is photographed at the bottom of this entry);
(2) Michigan State spartan on my calf: It's cliched to say, but I learned so much about the world and myself while in college, and I'm proud to be a Spartan. I got this tattoo in around 2008 (photo at bottom of entry);
(3) A quote from Toni Morrison's novel Song of Solomon: "wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down." This occurs about halfway through the novel (which happens to be probably my favorite novel of all time), when Milkman and Guitar are watching a peacock -- presumably escaped from the Detroit Zoo (where my grandparents took us all the time when we were young) -- and Guitar explains to Milkman why these birds can't really fly. It becomes an important piece of foreshadowing in the novel, as Milkman eventually does figure out how to give up the "shit" that weighs him down. I got this tattoo in around 2012, when I was also giving up plenty of "shit" that weighs me down. Those of you who know me know what changed in my life around this time and what I'm talking about. An homage to a great novel, a great writer, as well as expressing an important part of my life: the tattoo is perfect for me (photo at bottom of entry).
I had my 4th tattoo done today, and the idea for it has been swirling around in my head for a couple of years. About three years ago, I was competing in a triathlon, and the long-existing symptoms I'd felt for months -- shortness of breath, dizziness -- became very severe and I nearly passed out. In fact, I felt like I was going to die, unlike any other time in my life. Afterwards, my doctor ordered some cardiology tests, and they revealed I had cardiomyopathy, with only a 35% ejection fraction, which classifies as heart failure. It likely came from a virus that went to the heart. I wrote about it here, and here, and here, and here.
Since that initial diagnosis, I had a surgery that revealed no blockages, and I've been put on a battery medicines that have made my heart work better. I'm now up around 50% ejection fraction, which is nearly normal. My prognosis is good.
However, I still have to take a battery of heart medicines and still struggle with my weight, partly, I believe, because the medicines slow down my metabolism. (And, of course, my diet and exercise is not always the best. I love ice cream.) I still feel out of breath fairly often and still feel dizzy. But, I also feel stronger and healthier than I did two years ago, by far. Some days I feel like a million bucks. I feel like I can teach into my 60s and live into my 80s or 90s, which sounds like a pretty good life to me.
While that's the goal, I still have to work hard all the time. I still want to keep this issue at the forefront of my mind. I constantly want to be exercising and being conscious about what I eat.
There's also a practical reason for this tattoo. About a year and a half ago, I had a bad cold. After a few days, I went to the Patient First clinic to make sure it wasn't something worse, and, with my history of heart disease, they took an EKG reading. What they found -- inverted T-waves -- concerned them, and they sent me to the Emergency Room. There, they were also worried, thinking perhaps that I was having a heart attack, and the doctors kept me in the ER for almost ten hours, until they determined that my EKG stayed the same throughout my visit. This was just what my heart was doing; it was its regular EKG reading; it wasn't a heart attack. The doctors printed out a copy of the EKG for me so I would know what it was and so I could let the doctor know the next time this happened. But... why have a printout (which I kept in the glove department of my car, but what if I didn't have my car if I was brought to the hospital?) when I could have it printed on my arm? I admit this tattoo is more inspirational to me than practical to future doctors, but the tattoo can't hurt in that regard.
With my heart condition the start of my idea, I also felt like my literary tattoo of Toni Morrison needed a companion, since literature is so important to me and since I love how the Toni Morrison tattoo turned out so much, even several years later. Indeed, I thought about a John Steinbeck tattoo when I was in California a few summers ago, and have often thought about a Shakespeare tattoo, as I love Willie Shakes. However, James Baldwin has also been one of my favorite writers as long as I can remember, and teaching his work over the last ten years or so has been some of my favorite experiences in the classroom. My senior students over the last several years partly identify their senior level English class with me with the study of James Baldwin, which dominates much of the first semester, and, if anything, Baldwin has become more and more prominent in our class as his work has formed a backdrop to the Black Lives Matter movement.
I spent months searching for a James Baldwin line about a heartbeat, or the heart (I also looked through Shakespeare, because I was undecided), or anything else that might fit. Tell Me How Long the Train's Been Gone tells the story of a man who has a heart attack on the opening pages, but I couldn't find any lines that grabbed me for the purpose of a tattoo. I searched through other works too: If Beale Street Could Talk, The Fire Next Time, Take Me to the Water, Giovanni's Room. I love all of them, but, ironically after so much searching, the answer came in one of my most-loved and most- well-known texts of Baldwin's: "Notes of a Native Son." I usually start our 8-week study of Baldwin with this particular essay, which is one of the first non-fiction pieces of Baldwin's that throttled me emotionally and intellectually. It details the especially sad death of Baldwin's father, a man who embodied and suffered the racism of the early 20th century United States until it killed him. After his funeral, Baldwin's lessons are beautiful, conflicted, and sad: "It began to seem that one would have to hold in the mind forever two ideas which seemed to be in opposition. The first idea was acceptance, the acceptance, totally without rancor, of life as it is, and men as they are: in the light of this idea, it goes without saying that injustice is a commonplace. But this did not mean one could be complacent, for the second idea was of equal power: that one must never, in one’s own life, accept these injustices as commonplace but must fight them with all one’s strength. This fight begins, however, in the heart and it now had been laid to my charge to keep my own heart free of hatred and despair. This intimation made my heart heavy and, now that my father was irrecoverable, I wished that he had been beside me so I could have searched his face for the answers which only the future would give me now.” I took that phrase about the fight beginning in the heart from that paragraph, one of my favorites in all of Baldwin.
When I look at my new tattoo, I want to think about my heart condition, and how I want to fight against my body's proclivities to heart failure, and I also want to think about James Baldwin, and his consistent fight against injustice.
I had the tattoo completed at the same tattoo parlor where I had the Song of Solomon tattoo done, at the Baltimore Tattoo Museum. Tattoo Artist Tory Destromp completed it for me, and, either tattoo technology has really improved or I've gotten tougher over the years, as the actual 30 minutes or so it took to tattoo the design onto my arm was barely uncomfortable. I hate getting shots and getting my blood drawn, but tattoos are fine. It's a bit sore now, but that's to be expected.
Mr. Destromp took the printout of my EKG from that 2014 ER visit, and the quote, and played around with the sizing until it met my preferences. I had initially wanted it along the bend of my elbow, but he said it would probably look mediocre if it was bending, and I decided along my forearm instead. He took a few more minutes to set up, and then called me upstairs to his chair. The whole experience -- I was following the action of the Tigers' 6-5 victory over the Royals on my phone -- was positive and I love the tattoo.
My goal was to get this tattoo done over the summer, and, unfortunately, I missed the cutoff. My students have already seen me for five days. I now have to decide whether to be silly ("No, that tattoo was there all the time. You must not have noticed"), wear long sleeves (fat chance with the weather in the 80s), or start explaining the story of the tattoo. Let's see who decides to ask about it. I bet the 9th graders are still too shy.
Anyhow, that's the story behind my new James Baldwin & EKG tattoo. I'm very happy with it.
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| Tory Destromp does his think on my forearm. |
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| Inside the Baltimore Tattoo Museum. |
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| Baltimore Tattoo Museum |
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| No Drunk, Period. |
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| Everything was cool during the tattoo |
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My Toni Morrison Song of Solomon tattoo.
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from Epiphany in Baltimore http://ift.tt/2bQPp7U "This fight begins, however, in the heart" and Inverted T-waves: The Story Behind My New James Baldwin quote / EKG tattoo - Entrepreneur Generations
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